Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
