Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
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I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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