he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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