I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize