I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
