I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
