we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
