i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
