her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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