If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
