the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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