Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
