just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
