all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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