The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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