Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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