he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
