did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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