I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
