Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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