Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
