He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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