I will die if light touches me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
