90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
