shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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