dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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