he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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