I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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