If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize