His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
