Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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