Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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