no, he came in my armpit
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
