she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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