just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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