the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Im part way to drunk.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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