okay pat passed out under dana's car
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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