JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
