my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
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And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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