Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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