Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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