There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
