I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
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i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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