i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
