4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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