i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
