I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize