the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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