No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
