Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
