i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
