I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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