Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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