Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
