Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
