I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
