he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
