did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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