if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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