Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
