Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
