im holly from the hills drunk
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
