I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
